Saturday, July 19, 2008

The Evil That is "Turkish Star Wars"

To all who watch this, view with caution. While you, the naive, the unitiated, the childishly curious, marvel at how blatantly the filmmakers of "Turkish Star Wars" have ripped off footage from the real Star Wars, remember this: I sat through the whole f'in thing.

Believe me, this sequence made even less sense to me that it will make to you, and I saw all that preceded it. Sure, the evil turkish Darth Vader rip-off wants to destroy the earth (and he does, thus the footage stolen of the destruction of Leia's home planet Alderan), but that has nothing to do with a) F-Wings trying to blow up the Death Star, b) storm troopers getting shot at, and c) the hero trying to wrest the sword away from TDV (Turkish Darth Vader), who is both simultaneously blowing up planets and fighting our hero in the desert.

And while the countless jumps during the fight scene are charmingly absurd (my brother swears he can hear the trampoline squeaking on the soundtrack), by the time I could have appreciated them I already had a violent hatred for everyone involved in the production of the movie in any capacity (yes, even the best boy).

"Turkish Star Wars" is not a movie so bad it's good, it's a movie so bad it will corrode your soul.